let's try something new i think. who knows. sometimes it works. sometimes not. we'll see.

something new.  so. today. i assume the computer will stamp it with the time and date.
today.  i think i'm at the bottom of the mountain yet again. the gravity is very dense.
the self-judgement is ridiculous. i don't know if that will ever change actually.
i am who i am i do what i do i tried to evolve and failed and tried again and failed,

and now it's time to try again.  i've done some really ridiculous things, in a way,
although they all felt absolutely necessary at the time, and as far as i'm concerned,
they were. 

we'll see.

so much work to do.
i find it unbelievable i'll actually get it all done at all. but, i know how it goes,
once you actually get started on something, things can happen in ways and in
less time than you can imagine.  i really can't imagine moving out of this apartment.
the decisions about what to throw away and what to keep can get quite confusing.

a party every weekend to sell things and get rid of things might be a fun thing to try.


i'm nervous as a cat. scared, but i don't know what of.  death.  losing all identity.
running out of money and being a bum.  being poorly thought of.  being disliked.
being whispered about in negative ways.  feeling alienated.  feeling exiled, abandoned.
feeling useless, degenerate, evil, horrible.  but i'm none of those things really.

they say the soul is eternal  .  they say you can retrieve it.  they say you should care for it.
some people say you can hurt it, but i don't really have any idea what they mean by that.